Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
