If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
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