why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
