Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
