Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
