2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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