I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
