i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Randomize
