there's paper in my vomit.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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