No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
