There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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