just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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