you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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