Yo dont text me then not text me
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
