I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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