Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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