I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
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you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
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He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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