The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
