I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Randomize
