so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
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yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
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I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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