I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize