it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
