soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
whose ass print is on the piano?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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