she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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