Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
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If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
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