just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize