Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
