someone get that fucking seahorse.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize
