you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
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