Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
only if we run a train.
done.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
