I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
