Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
3 2 1 whiskey
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
