maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
