This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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