I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Randomize
