he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
