Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
