Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
No subtext here. People are naked.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
