so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Randomize
