your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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