No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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