He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
