Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
