the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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