The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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