I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
