Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
