I wanna bring you to show and tell
You can't special order awesome
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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