so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Watching her eat just hurts me
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
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