hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Randomize
