Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Randomize
