who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
