Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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