Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
