Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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