we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Even my vagina gasped.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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