using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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