Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
so let's talk penis.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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