You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
