oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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