Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
