1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
