It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
