The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize