Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
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This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
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Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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